NEW COLUMN: The Zombie Assertions

Posted: September 15, 2011 in Uncategorized


They can’t kill us, we’re already dead.

Some of my friends notice a mild stench of decay lingering around me and my digs.  They tell me I look like hell and I should probably go see a doctor.

I tell them something died in the wall and that I’m on a heavy diet of special preservatives.  What they don’t know won’t kill them and it certainly won’t kill me. I’m already dead.

About 2 and a half years ago I lost my job in the economic crash.  I filed for unemployment benefits and never was able to get a cent.  To preserve my pride, I refused to go and get a “food box” at the local church down the street.  The pastor simply uses the poor to fill up his pews on a Wednesday night, blames the poor for their poverty, deriding them for not having more money to give to his fellowship, before dumping almost rotten food into a cardboard box for them to take home.

You’re probably wondering what the hell happened.

State assistance got so competitive I was eventually refused that. The State took note of my squalor, in that they wanted an absolute tally of all of my assets, regardless of whether or not they were a POS, my SSN#, address.  I was forced to go see State doctors.  They took blood and urine. They gave me all kinds of pills and told me they would be sure to give my health records to future employers, so they could continue to get government grants for their health programs.  I was never re-hired in my field.  Employers will never tell me why.  If word got out they discriminated based on credit history and health records- they would get sued.  However, they’re mostly overconfident because everyone destitute is out of resources to cause legal harm to companies for discrimination based on cause of credit or health.  They can’t afford lawyers.  I began to starve to death, but I continued living for awhile.  In the interrim, I applied for lines of credit so I could get by.  That eventually dried up as well after my employment prospects dried up.  With no job, poor credit and a State verified record of illness I could never secure another place to live or another job.

I dug a hole in the woods and lay down in a cardboard box there to keep up appearances.

After awhile I didn’t really care. I kind of gave up, really. Eventually, I died physically, but I continued to be aware of everything around me and in that sense, I am very much alive.

It’s okay.  My family is all dead, so I’m in good company.  Now that I don’t really need anything, I’m less of a burden to society anyway.  After so many NO’s you eventually get the message.  There’s no work.  There’s no State help.  There’s just the O.Y.O. (on your own) zombie collective.


There is no record of our death, so we are not legally dead.  They can’t take our citizenship or our voting rights away.  They cared enough to starve us and kill us but not bury us because they believe we are stupid and therefore powerless.  Good. Their aim was more or less achieved, but with a rather awful unintended consequence.

It’s kind of like being retired actually.  You get up, you read the news, you pick an issue that puts you in touch with your mortality. Then you go get coffee with a few other zombies.   You put an action plan together.  Then you go raise hell and the dead.  If you’re really lucky, you catch up to a nefarious intellectual and infect them or eat their brains. Either way – we have found our way to become powerful contenders.

You can’t ignore us.  We are all over the media.  The entertainment industry is making plies of money off us.  They license our image in commercials, films, and video games.  We don’t really care anymore. We don’t really need the money now.

There’s a bunch of us who stay intellectually active and actually started to engage in politics.   Some of us are actually pretty good at irritating the powerful.   We cause a tremendous foul stink when we gather together. With nothing else better to do we just sit around and scare the living in State halls.

That’s why I’ve decided to submit a weekly column to represent the perspective of the  Living Dead.  Our numbers are not small and we are growing in uncalculatedand unrecognized ways.

We could care less what they State does to us now.  They can’t kill us.  We are already dead.

That is exactly why we can care less when Wall Street shouts us down and tells us what a bunch of losers we are.  It’ll work out just fine for us – but not for them. Wait and see.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s